Category Archives: dumbassery

in which I explain where the hell I’ve been

The short answer: Working!  I have been working like a motherfucker, it seems.  And when I am not, I’m sleeping or playing video games or hanging out with friends and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

My birthday was last month, which was celebrated thoroughly and excessively, followed by work and a hangover the next day–not to mention my boss all dressed up as a polar bear.

The missus and I went out and bought a Christmas tree the other day and set it up (just because I’m not a Christian doesn’t mean I can’t put a fake fucking pine tree in my house and slap a Santa hat on the top), and hung five stockings on the wall.  (Yes, FIVE stockings.  We have too many animals for our apartment.)  Then our friends came over and we sat around and watched the tree because it’s almost winter and that’s what the fuck you do in the Midwest.  (Other things you do in the Midwest: put ranch dressing on everything, become Lutheran, make casseroles.)

The missus and I are now staying at my dad’s for the weekend while he’s shooting cute innocent animals in the head to make delicious tasty stews.  Including his two dogs and the cavalcade of animals we brought, there are five animals in this house this weekend, and the only thing I can do to distract myself is watch Roseanne marathons on TVLand.

So, while you’re sitting there with your fancy-pants high-speed internet connection and food that is not macaroni and cheese, complaining about not being able to get tickets to the new Twilight movie (give me a break, seriously), I’m playing solitaire waiting for pages to load and trying to get the dogs to stop gnawing on my cats.

Amusing anecdote of the week: A friend gets a friend a kitten as a surprise.  A friend enlists other friends to get necessary items for the kitten to survive (litter box, food) at local giant department/grocery store.  Friends go to LGDGS with kitten hidden underneath friend 1’s coat.  Kitten starts to meow.  Friend 2 starts to meow at random intervals, which makes her look like  a freak.  Friends check out.  Kitten starts clawing up Friend 1’s back and pokes head out of the back of coat.  A friend pulls Friend 1’s hood up.  Friend 1 stops at the doors, sniffs, then looks inside her coat, where kitten has had MASSIVE EXPLOSIVE DIHERREA all over the coat and shirt.  Friends venture outside laughing, where Friend 1 strips down in the parking lot and is given a sweater by Friend 2, all while a creepy guy in an orange truck watches.  Hilarity ensues on the drive home and now there is a story to tell everyone on the face of the planet.


LGBT Roundup.

(Or, as the missus said so eloquently moments ago, “Lasso those gays.”

– New Hampshire approves same-sex marriage.

– KRXQ radio in Sacramento encourages violence against transgendered children. Here’s the contact information for the studio and on-air personalities.
John Geary
Vice President & General Manager
(916) 339-4209

Arnie States
On-Air Personality
(916) 334-7777

Rob Williams
On-Air Personality
(916) 334-7777

– Rev. Art Cribbs of California protests his state’s same-sex marriage ban. (CNN)
Embedded video from CNN Video

– Happy Gay Pride Month!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Hello, readers (and new follower!), this is to inform you that I may be taking a brief hiatus in order to, um, get my shit together.

Also, since my brain is currently malfunctioning aside from the obvious “Haha, funny man funny” in reference to the Eddie Izzard special I’m watching as I’m typing this, here are some links that you must click RIGHT NOW as I smoke.

– The Prez AND the Vice Prez like hamburgers too! I know, right?

– House passes hate crime legislation. (Question: does hate crime legislation limit freedom of speech? Short answer: no, and you’re dumb.)

– Swine flu might put a damper on Cinco de Mayo celebrations because, uh… only Mexicans have it? What?

– I JUST realized that the dorky guy in all those movies I’ve seen and curled my lip at… is the Mac guy! (For the record, I like PC guy better and I am stupid.)

Craigslist might drop their sex ads, which means you might want to hurry up.

And now this:

A Gay Storm is Coming…

Are you ready?

(This is of course, in response to NOM’s most recent homo-hating advertisement. God, they’re getting desperate.)

My apologies for not posting anything on the Day of Silence last Friday–I hope those who participated made it through the day safely.

Exodus International’s “Day of Truth” is upon us. Oh, no, folks, the truth–or rather, thinly veiled hate and open hostility toward the goddamned homosexuals. For those who fear for their safety on this day, there is also a page dedicated to “Facing Opposition,” in which they describe instances where students were *gasp!* openly criticized for saying hateful things.

What a sad day it is when good-hearted people spreading love (read as: bigoted homophobes spreading anti-gay propaganda) are subject to criticism. It almost makes you forget about the harassment and violence aimed at LGBTQ individuals on a day-to-day basis. Tragic example here.

Note: Also, because of EI, I have found out exactly what the Gay Agenda is! I feel so enlightened.

And also this:

Texas governor Rick Perry is a fucking idiot.

(Oh, and Chuck Norris wants to be President of Texas.)

That is all.

Oh, how petty.

Some images from tea parties across the nation.

How patriotic and gracious the GOP is when one of their own isn’t in charge.
(Ironically, most of these people stand to gain from President Obama’s stimulus.)

Obviously, this goes much deeper than simple dissatisfaction with the economy, or this would have occurred during the Bush administration.